A lot of things terrify me.
The dark, sometimes. Spiders. Heights. Flying. Watching people do crazy things.
Shudder!! We’re coming in to Halloween now and I can’t express my utmost dislike at all the ads for horror movies that are on TV right now. I had to change the channel the other day because one freaked me out so bad. UGH! I used to watch them when I was a teenager and didn’t know any better…but now? Not so much.
I guess the thing that makes me most afraid, if I’m being honest, is fear of the unknown. Not knowing what comes next. I have to deal with this all the time in my writing, you’d think I’d be used to it, but no. It still drives me nuts. Worse than that, when I have to deal with it in life…well…then we’re in trouble.
I underwent minor surgery this week. And yeah, I was a baby. Leading up to the day I imagined every worse case scenario possible. Wondered what it would be like for my family if I wasn’t here. Freaked myself out big time. Fear of the unknown. Sure, chances were good everything would go fine, but what if…
Everything did go fine, as I’m sitting here today to prove it. In a bit of pain but all in all, we’re good. I went to sleep and lo and behold I actually did wake up! So what was I afraid of?
I don’t know, really. I mean, I hold fast to my faith and I know that if I die, I’m good to go. So I don’t know where the fear of having this procedure came from. I wish I hadn’t been afraid, but I was. Maybe everyone is. Maybe it’s not just me being an over-parnoid hypochondriac.
But as I sat there yesterday…it’s really strange…you get into your hospital gown and robe and these cool non-skid socks…and then they put you in a room with a bunch of other people all dressed the same as you…all waiting for surgery. I was like, really? We have to like sit here, in a group? I thought about starting a round of Have you ever, but the other folk didn’t look like they’d be into that. So I sat in silence with my swirling thoughts and of course I wondered what their stories were. Why they were there and what they were going in for. And then I prayed.
Not out loud of course, because that would have been weirder than a game of Have you ever…although it might have resulted in me being taken away sooner, who knows…but I prayed for those five people around me. Prayed for their doctors and nurses and good outcomes. And asked the same for myself.
And then I was good. No more nerves.
I took the focus off myself.
Maybe it’s just that simple. When it’s not all about me, I’m able to focus fully on other things. More important things. Why didn’t I remember that earlier? Why did it take sitting in a pre-op waiting room for me to get that?
I don’t know, but it did, and I’m glad for the lesson.
Glad to know that when I’m afraid, I can still handle the fear. I can give it to God and let him take it. He seems to do a much better job than I.
Maybe next time I’m afraid, and I do know there will be a next time, I’ll be quicker to let it go.
I hope so. Until then, I’m back to life as usual and looking forward to the next step!
What about you? What makes you afraid and what do you do about it?
Catherine West 
I’m not afraid, but I am tired. Bleeding internally and lightheaded, the world is swaying around me, hurting. And it’s not stopping.No insurance, and the endoscopy that would be needed to treat the bleeding would be too dangerous to perform. Hobson’s choice.
Maybe fear and fatigue are related. Just want this to stop. Dread the feeling of looking into the day saying ‘this is going to hurt’. The whole day is, I mean.
Sorry, hard to focus. Good post today, Cathy.
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Thanks Andrew, always appreciate you stopping by. Hang in there.
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I don’t watch scary movies either, Cathy. I watched them with my sister when I was young. But when my husband was military, he’d have to leave for a month at a time … and when I became afraid of the shower drain, I knew … no more scary movies for me!
Surgery always scares me … or the anticipation of it. If I know in advance, I’m afraid. But I went into emergency appendectomy surgery back in March and wasn’t really afraid at all. It was a God thing, I know. And I’d been sick all week long. I was so weak … do what you need to do to make me better.
And public speaking scares me more than surgery! 🙂
Praying for your recovery. Get better real soon!
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Sherri, thank you! Yes, public speaking…no thank you!! HAHA. Thanks for stopping by the blog!
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This may sound silly, but I have an awful fear of big black moths,like the one there was on the outside glass of one of the French doors to my backyard. It had to as big as my hand, and it had awful eyes-ugly!! The thing was that I did not even see it, as I opened one of the doors to go outside. When I saw it, I just froze and then my husband came running because he said that he heard a very loud scream, he thought I had fallen or something.
I wanted him to kill it, but he said it was too big, so he got a broom and chased it away, ugh!!! Of course, before he did that, I went around the house to the front door and locked myself in. Now every time, before I go outside I always look through the glass before I open the door!
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