, , , , ,

A lot of things terrify me.

The dark, sometimes. Spiders. Heights. Flying. Watching people do crazy things.


Red-kneed tarantula Brachypelma smithii


Shudder!! We’re coming in to Halloween now and I can’t express my utmost dislike at all the ads for horror movies that are on TV right now. I had to change the channel the other day because one freaked me out so bad. UGH! I used to watch them when I was a teenager and didn’t know any better…but now? Not so much.

I guess the thing that makes me most afraid, if I’m being honest, is fear of the unknown. Not knowing what comes next. I have to deal with this all the time in my writing, you’d think I’d be used to it, but no. It still drives me nuts. Worse than that, when I have to deal with it in life…well…then we’re in trouble.

I underwent minor surgery this week. And yeah, I was a baby. Leading up to the day I imagined every worse case scenario possible. Wondered what it would be like for my family if I wasn’t here. Freaked myself out big time. Fear of the unknown. Sure, chances were good everything would go fine, but what if…

Everything did go fine, as I’m sitting here today to prove it. In a bit of pain but all in all, we’re good. I went to sleep and lo and behold I actually did wake up! So what was I afraid of?

I don’t know, really. I mean, I hold fast to my faith and I know that if I die, I’m good to go. So I don’t know where the fear of having this procedure came from. I wish I hadn’t been afraid, but I was. Maybe everyone is. Maybe it’s not just me being an over-parnoid hypochondriac.

But as I sat there yesterday…it’s really strange…you get into your hospital gown and robe and these cool non-skid socks…and then they put you in a room with a bunch of other people all dressed the same as you…all waiting for surgery. I was like, really? We have to like sit here, in a group? I thought about starting a round of Have you ever, but the other folk didn’t look like they’d be into that. So I sat in silence with my swirling thoughts and of course I wondered what their stories were. Why they were there and what they were going in for. And then I prayed.

Not out loud of course, because that would have been weirder than a game of Have you ever…although it might have resulted in me being taken away sooner, who knows…but I prayed for those five people around me. Prayed for their doctors and nurses and good outcomes. And asked the same for myself.

And then I was good. No more nerves.

I took the focus off myself.

Maybe it’s just that simple. When it’s not all about me, I’m able to focus fully on other things. More important things. Why didn’t I remember that earlier? Why did it take sitting in a pre-op waiting room for me to get that?

I don’t know, but it did, and I’m glad for the lesson.

Glad to know that when I’m afraid, I can still handle the fear. I can give it to God and let him take it. He seems to do a much better job than I.

Maybe next time I’m afraid, and I do know there will be a next time, I’ll be quicker to let it go.

I hope so. Until then, I’m back to life as usual and looking forward to the next step!

What about you? What makes you afraid and what do you do about it?