, , , ,

Many who know me understand just how long and hard I worked to achieve my dream of becoming a published author. It took years. Years of believing I had a story worth telling. A story others would relate to and relish, characters readers would love as much as I did.

That dream came true on March 15th, 2011, with the release of Yesterday’s Tomorrow.

And now, a year later, in this season of spring, of new growth and second chances, I’m facing down a few giants.

What if you only get one shot? What if your dream comes true, but it’s a fleeting moment that fades far too quickly? What if that’s all there is?

As I sit here on this Easter Sunday, Resurrection Day, I am mindful that today is a day of new beginnings. A day to put aside the past and press on toward the future. A day to look forward, in anticipation of what is to come.

And I find myself paralyzed. Dreadfully afraid that I’ve had my piece of the pie and the pan is empty. Would it be enough? Would I be satisfied with the gift I’ve been given and not want more? Could I be?

You see, through circumstances beyond my control, I find myself at a crossroads where my writing is concerned. I have some tough decisions to make and I’ll be making them soon. Decisions that will affect what happens next in my short-lived career as a published author. Decisions that ultimately, whether I want them to or not, make me feel as though I’ve somehow taken ten steps back instead of moving ahead as planned. Decisions I will not celebrate.

What if that’s all she wrote?

This is where the proverbial rubber meets the road. For me. Right here. Do I face what is to come with the faith that God who has started a good work in me will see it through to completion? Or do I throw my hands up and lament the (albeit temporary) end of a dream? The end of years of hard work and perseverance. And ultimate victory that provided much joy.

I hope this is just a speed bump. I know I will continue to write. The stories are there. Inside of me. Waiting to be told and told well. But who is to say those stories will find an editor, a publisher to take them on and turn them into books? No guarantees. I knew that going into this game. I’ve been lucky. Blessed.

But today, like many, many others out there, I am faced with the unknown.

Today I must grasp all head knowledge and convince my heart it still makes sense. Maybe one day it will. Right now, it doesn’t. But I do know that God has a plan. And it is good. And so I will fight discouragement. I will continue to try to find joy in the journey. I will continue to write with the belief that one day, perhaps soon, perhaps not, my stories will be shared once again with readers.

Today I will look up, even through tears, and I will trust. Believe.

And hope.

What are you facing in this season of new beginnings? Where does your strength come from? Let’s encourage each other today!